Ebb and Flow

Like the ebb and flow of the tide, so have been my thoughts regarding medical school as of late. Great excitement and optimism wash up onto shore, then trepidation and even depression wash it back out. Thankfully, the tide rolls in often, and the waves are high! I know God is near, and this helps those times of discouragement from overtaking me.

It isn't "fun" to think about having weeks at a time where I will only get to see my husband before we fall asleep at night and before he leaves the next morning. It isn't fun to think about the stress on his body as he works 70 hour weeks. It isn't fun to think about not owning our own home until we're 37 years old. It is, in fact, quite depressing.

It IS "fun" to think about the adventure this is going to be. It's fun to think about watching God provide for the needs of our marriage and family in a very tangible way. It's fun to see Ryan's excitememt for all he'll get to learn and experience. It's fun (and overwhelming!) to think about how God will mold me (hopefully!) into a truly encouraging wife as I will serve as Ryan's haven away from the rigors of school. And the list goes on.

I have been in communication with several Christian wives who have been recently or are currently in the midst of medical school/residency. I have received some very accurate pictures of what the next 7-11 years of our life are going to be like. (7 years at the very minimum for medical school and residency--11 years at the height depending on the type of residency and if Ryan pursues a fellowship). Despite the realities of what we'll face, speaking with these women has served as a source of great encouragement to me.

One of the greatest pieces of joy I learned from another was how this schooling is not just for Ryan. It's for us. By being prayerfully involved in his schooling (i.e. praying him through his exams as he's taking them), it's as if we're both actively involved. Yes, he is the one with the pen and paper, but I'm also part of the test as well. Ryan's triumphs become OUR triumphs, and Ryan's failures become OUR failures to handle together by God's grace.

I was also encouraged to look at this as not just a career choice, but as a calling the Lord has placed on our life. God has brought us to this point so he can fashion us for His use, whatever and wherever that may be. Perhaps we'll end up serving at the Haitian hospital in Bon Fin. Perhaps we'll end up right here in central Illinois. Either way, I can truly say that I'm willing. I think about all the luxuries I could enjoy if we stayed right here: a beautiful home, exotic family vacations, etc., and contrary to how I felt several years ago, I don't feel any real pull toward those anymore. I could forego those luxuries if God takes us away. Because, Heaven is pressing closer, every day, in fact, and I'm pretty sure the mansions that await us there are WAY better than anything here! That said, I certainly won't turn down any blessings that God wishes to pour on us here either.....yes, I'll take a huge modern kitchen if God blessed me with it!! :)

Anyway, I'm currently in contact with my mom's cousin who has graciously offered to keep us overnight in Chicago and show us around the area (they live just a few miles from UIC). We're anxious to see what it's like and whether or not it will be a good fit for us. We're also still torn between Chicago and Peoria. At times, it seems foolish to go anywhere but Peoria...not many people can attend school right in their home city! Why on earth would we try and create a community for ourselves away when we have such beautiful family and friends right here? And yet, many have also told us not just to go with what is easiest, because there is often great blessing in taking a leap of faith and watching how God moves. It certaily wasn't comfortable for Jesus to hang on that cross, and yet, it was necessary. It was the will of the Father.

Father, what is your will for US?

Until next time, thank you for your love and prayers!